what is truth

Monday, April 20, 2009

i am the king of carrot flowers

I think it's time to bid this blog goodbye.

At best it was a nice chronicle of my JC and army days, at worst it was utterly stupid (I'll be PC here but really the word I'm looking for is 'retarded').

Ultimately I really didn't have anything to say, although sometimes I tried to express myself in stylistically horrific prose.

I started this blog in JC1 where I was a bit of a misanthrope and fancied myself a Che Guevara style revolutionary (as evidenced by the original design, should you remember it). I'm 21 now, I like to think I've grown up a bit.

Plus, well, practically speaking Facebook's now my main outlet for online expression. We live in sad times.
makoto |8:00 PM

Thursday, March 12, 2009

hurt

I hurt myself today to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole, the old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away, but I remember everything

What have I become, my sweetest friend?
Everyone I know goes away in the end.

And you can have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt.

I wear this crown of shit upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts I cannot repair
Beneath the sands of time, the feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become, my sweetest friend?
Everyone I know goes away in the end.

And you can have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way...

Labels: it's a disease

makoto |7:38 PM

Saturday, February 21, 2009

anthems for a seventeen year old girl

Now you're all gone, got your make-up on and you're not coming back (can't you come back?)

Some things, or everything, we must leave up to God. I'm at that stage where I know I'm not ready for this, no matter how content and happy and wonderful other people are. And I'm happy for them, I truly am, but there's a part of me that's also very very jealous; I guess I'm too neurotic, too questioning, too doubtful to ever be like them (or at least not now, not at this moment).

Then again, I'm OK with where I am, I guess. There's a lot more in life to live for, and if God wills it, I'll be found in the end.

Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me
makoto |12:03 AM

Monday, February 09, 2009

A couple of years ago Q magazine asked each member of U2 what song from the last 20 years they wished they'd written. Edge went for Oasis' 'Wonderwall', Adam Clayton picked 'Back To Life' by Soul II Soul, and Larry Mullen Jr. chose 'Block Rockin' Beats' by the Chemical Brothers. And Bono, being Bono, picked six songs, including, rather surprisingly, 'Almighty Love' by someone called Emm Gryner.

It's a great song, beautiful, sweeping orchestral pop. She does some pretty cool covers on youtube as well, including a frightfully good version of Def Leppard's 'Pour Some Sugar On Me' (a song I've never really cared for).

Emm Gryner - 'Almighty Love'

You don't write back when you promise to
The moon has overdosed on nighttime
like me on you

I've got bars of your punk rock
Running through my veins
I've got symphonies and sirens
But no way to explain

You broke my life
in two different worlds
You move quicker than lighting
illuminates a girl

I've got the cigarettes you smoke
Burned into my brain
I've got sympathy and silence
But no way to explain

This almighty love
Can't deny it when it comes
But baby baby it's all wrong
This almighty love
Sometimes it seems enough
But baby baby it's all wrong

I saw a movie in your eyes
A long goodbye
I won't find a toxic angel like you
A second time
You come down all at once
Like your Vancouver rain
And I got sympathy and silence
And no way to explain

This almighty love
Can't deny it when it comes
But baby baby it's all wrong
This almighty love
Sometimes it seems enough
But baby baby it's all wrong

It's all wrong
It's all wrong
Just like this song
It's here for a minute or two
Then it disappears just like you
makoto |9:21 PM

Saturday, February 07, 2009

these are just years (in remote part/scottish fiction)

"Living in fiction just seems much better than living in words/if you live in fiction/home's no match for a word." - Idlewild, 'These Are Just Years'

I have to thank God for His plan, for His perfect plan, for letting me be part of this even for a few months.

I'm not kidding myself; I'll forget this all soon enough, till people become footnotes and minor indexes and cross-references, but why bother with the pessimism, and enjoy it while it's happening, nownownow. Living in fiction does seem a lot better.
makoto |1:09 PM

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

and so it goes

This had better be worth all the trouble.
makoto |7:33 AM

Sunday, February 01, 2009

i am un chien andalusia

Was goofing around on youtube today when I came across a video of the Pixies performing 'Debaser' at T in the Park after their reunion in 2004. If I ever peruse my list of 20 or 200 favourite songs ever 'Debaser' would be on it. I'm not a massive Pixies fan but there's a lot to like about 'Debaser', from the oblique lyrics referencing the surrealist filmmaker Bunuel to the surfy guitar licks to the odd boy/girl counterpoint between Black Francis/Frank Black's crazy, screaming ranting and Kim Deal's girlish harmonies. Best played loud.


makoto |3:26 PM